


Brave

by bookworm03



Series: Adult Relationships [11]
Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Best Friends, F/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 03:53:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5233007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookworm03/pseuds/bookworm03
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone has to be the brave one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Post-college AU. Leslie and Ben have been best friends for twelve years and are both secretly in love with each other. 
> 
> This is part of a series but I recommend that for this particular installment especially you read the other parts first. :) 
> 
> You are all beautiful starfishes and I hope this has been worth the build up. I also recommend consuming alcohol or popcorn while reading this monstrosity. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Leslie doesn’t usually mind being alone, even on a Friday night. She kind of enjoys it, frankly; she can start brainstorming some new Parks projects, think of ideas for public forums, do some baking, start planning her friends' birthdays, or even (in December) do some more decorating for the holidays. She's very productive. Usually.

But tonight…

It’s dreary, there’s a mixture of snow and rain outside, Ann’s working, Ben’s at his girlfriend, Eva’s, Christmas party, Parks is on the back burner until spring, and she’s…sad. Listless. She’s barely talked to Ben since his birthday, where she kind of sort of told him she wants to be _with him_ and still isn’t sure if he heard her properly. There had been that super awkward grocery store encounter where she stumbled upon the happy couple kissing by lettuce and being all adorable and domestic and he…he’d seemed stressed when he’d promised to call her. And it's also worrying her kind of majorly that Ann still hasn’t told Leslie what they’d talked about when she went off with Eva to look at desserts, but she isn’t going to think about that. They were probably talking about Chris or something. 

Being in love with one of your best friends can be very disruptive to every day life. 

She’s nowhere close to over him, despite what she had promised herself when they went camping. She needs Ben to call her and put her out of her misery. She needs to know if he’s avoiding her because what she accidentally said over the phone left him uncomfortable and needing to create distance. One way or another, she just has to know. It’s been almost a week of psychological torture and she can't take it anymore. She's missing him - his friendship - like crazy.

It’s after ten-thirty when her doorbell rings and Leslie frowns because _who on earth would be showing up at her house now_? She’s just poured herself a glass of chilled white wine, has a movie cued up, and was contemplating lighting a fire because her house is chilly. There's very few people who would randomly turn up on her doorstep now, and those she suspects both have other plan, so...

She checks through the window before she opens the door. 

It’s Ben. 

Her blood surges and her heart starts racing, but she forces herself to take a few calming breaths while she considers the numerous possible reasons he could be there that don’t have to do with their call when he was in Indy. Maybe he left something at her place, maybe his car ran out of gas _again_ (for someone who's not big on taking risks, he’s way too comfortable driving on empty) and Eva's sitting by it while he runs to wherever is closest and that just happened to be her... 

Or maybe he needs to borrow a cup of sugar, or wants her recipe for Snickerdoodles to go with the cheesecake tomorrow, or maybe Eva’s dress ripped at the seams on the way home from dinner and they were going to go for drinks and she needs something to wear… 

Despite all these logical reasons for showing up, she’s not breathing when she finally opens the door. Because the other option is maybe Ben heard what she said loud and clear and came to tell her they need to stop doing whatever this weird, boundary-less friendship has been because she’s right - he’s in love with Eva - and Leslie’s getting in the way. No more sleepovers, no more cuddles, no more late night phone calls...

That thought brings a lump to her throat. 

Ben stares back at her, rumpled and sheepish, his grey checkered button down untucked on one side, no jacket and his cheeks red. His right eye looks…odd…squinty…especially red…swollen? Wait, is his eye _swollen_? What the hell? 

“Uh, hey.” 

“H-hey,” she forgets to be nervous and stares at him in the dim light of her porch. “What’s…what’s up? I thought you guys were out tonight.” 

“Yeah, that…I think I might have blown that.” 

“Dinner?” his teeth are chattering. Because it’s December and the stupid idiot isn’t wearing a coat. 

“Uh…dinner. My relationship. All…of that stuff…” 

Leslie blinks incredulously, resisting the urge to push his damp hair out of his face. 

“What _happened_?” she steps back and he walks in. It’s then she notices his right hand resting awkwardly with his elbow tucked into his side. 

“Ann’s…not here, is she? I thought maybe you’d be hanging out…” 

“No. She’s got a shift. Why?” 

“Well uh…here’s…here’s the thing…” his voice is clipped and breaking strangely. “I think I possibly, maybe broke my hand, and…” he gestures to a streak of red above his cheekbone that she can now see is starting to turn purple at the corners. “And I think I’m about to have a really black eye.” 

“Oh my god!” Leslie launches forward reflexively, forgetting ten seconds ago she was fairly certain he’d come here to tell her they needed to stop doing whatever they're doing. She pulls his wrist between her palms, eyes straining in their sockets. His knuckles are pink and he hisses when she presses gently. She reaches up to touch his cheekbone. 

“Are you okay?” 

He lolls a little into her hand and his eyes shut for an instant. 

“Y-yeah…just…a little…weird. This is…I’ve never done this. I’ve…this isn’t…it was weird. I’ve never done…done that. Also, I’m…it’s cold. Did you know it’s cold outside?” 

Leslie reaches around them and closes the door. Her fingers curl around his forearms. 

“What happened?” 

Ben takes a very deep breath and his voice finally stops shaking, even though the rest of him doesn’t. She’s currently repressing the urge to wind around him and promise him it’s okay, because that’s not her job right now…anymore. 

She has to stop thinking of his relationships as short term inconveniences if she’s going to get passed this…over him. He's with someone and he could very much stay with her forever. That’s reality. 

“We were at the Snakehole after the dinner, thing and I punched a guy and then his friend punched me.” 

A million thoughts fly through her head. Had the guy done something to Eva? Why would their relationship be in trouble if he was just defending her? Also, since when did Ben, Ben Wyatt, _punch people_. Ben was like, the only guy in the world who made it through high school and college without getting in a fight. 

Actually, there was that one time at IU…she swore he was going to punch someone then…god, that was a weird night. That night still messed with her head way too much. 

“Why?” Leslie guides him towards the sofa, hefting a stack of binders off one cushion and depositing them onto her love seat. She grabs the quilt she was just about to bury herself under and wraps it around his shoulders, rubbing vigorously before helping him sit down. 

“I’ll get you some ice. Lots of ice.” 

“Thanks.” 

“Do you want me to call Ann and see if she can come over? Or should we go there? Do you need a doctor? Did you drive here?” 

“No, no,” he clears his throat. He’s twitchy still, strung out, the adrenaline obviously pounding through him. “Just the ice is good, thanks.” 

She texts Ann anyway because she won’t rest easy until she knows he’s fine and he really doesn’t look fine. 

“Okay, so - ” Leslie comes back with icepack and her stomach drops. His eyes are rimmed red. 

“Hey, hey, whoa, it’s okay,” she settles facing him and takes his right hand. The knuckles are even redder now and they’re starting to swell. She finally pushes hair off his sweaty, rain-dampened forehead and reminds him gently to breathe as she ghosts the pads of her fingers across his blackening eye. She really sucks at boundaries.

“Did someone do something to Eva?” 

“N-no,” he stutters. “Nothing like that.” 

“Then what - ”

“Leon was there…” 

Leslie flushes and wonders where this could possibly be going. Why would he punch her ex-boyfriend? 

“And I heard him…he said…shit to his friends about…you…and I…” 

Her eyes widen, because she has to pull it together, but holy crap, what’s she supposed to do with _that_?

“Oh my god! Ben! That’s…what did he say?” 

“I would rather not repeat it,” he clears his throat. “But Eva seemed to think my reaction was…telling and yeah, that’s…pretty sure that’s over.” 

Her blood chills at his brusque tone. 

“What?! Okay, don’t worry, I’ll call her,” she palms his cheeks, because he defended her honor or something and got hurt and now he’s freaking out and she needs to help him. “I’ll call her and I’ll explain everything and it’s fine, I can totally fix this. So, don’t worry about a thing…” God, she’d always wondered if this would happen, if at some point someone would feel them too close, feel they were too much, and have that be the reason things got ruined. Dave hinted at it the night they broke up, but it had never actually _ended_ a relationship before…

She was kind of a crappy best friend if she ruined his relationship. She’d never wanted to be the reason he was this upset. 

Ben latches onto her wrist when she gets off the couch to find her phone. 

“What - ”

“What are you going to say?” His voice is hoarse, razor sharp, and makes her shiver. 

“Just…” she bites her lip. “Just that it’s not…like that and I’m not a threat to your relationship and she shouldn’t read into what happened and give you another chance - ”

“I love you,” he cuts her off. His thumb strokes the inside of her wrist and every feature on his face seems to relax at once. She smiles, but there are tears in her eyes she can’t quell. “So goddamn much.” 

“I love you too.”

Easy affection, practiced, the same as always…except not…not quite, and it steals her breath. There’s an edge, a current flowing through the room, something’s different. Leslie can practically see the testosterone racing through him and her muscles are taught with anticipation because something’s…not as always. 

“You didn’t need to do that just because Leon was being an ass - ”

“No, actually I don’t, fuck,” he stands, towering over her, his shadow disrupting all of the light. “I don’t love you, okay, I’m…” 

Leslie stares at him horrified. She can’t hear anything but circus music when he turns around and rubs his face. 

“Ben.” 

He slumps down again and she joins him, curling her legs beneath her. She tugs the quilt back around him because whatever he’s freaking out about, he still needs to stay warm. 

“I mean. No I do. I love you an insane amount,” his brown eyes lock on hers. “I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you since…ever. I miss you when you’re not around now because I’m with someone or you’re with someone, and I think…you are the first thought I have every morning and you have been for a really long time; I punch out guys in bars when I’m with another girl because he’s an asshole saying garbage, gross, disgusting things about you…and I hate your boyfriends because I want to be with you…Every relationship I’ve ever had has ended because you are all I want. That night…a few months ago when we almost…I wanted you, Leslie. Not sex, _you_.” 

She can’t speak. Her mouth is dry, her tongue won’t move and her lips won’t form any words, not even his name. He’s rumpled and desperate and she’s seriously going to start crying now because he’s saying all the right things and she’s beyond overwhelmed. Her hands start to tremble against him. 

“I’m _in love_ with you. And I’m sorry,” he sighs. “I know this could fuck up everything but I feel like we need to at least talk about it, because I can’t go on being a coward who doesn’t have the guts to tell you how I feel. I tried, I wanted to, I want you in my life more than anything and I don’t want to make things awkward, but I can’t take it anymore…” he rubs his forehead. “Hey, don’t do that.” 

His hand snakes out to wipe away tears she hadn’t realized she’d shed. “Don’t do that, okay? I don’t want to upset you and I waited so long to do this because losing you was just…the worst thing I could possibly imagine and it will not be weird, I promise. No matter what. I just…selfishly, I really needed you to know that.” 

She laughs, strained, tears falling faster as she leans into his hand. 

“I love you.” 

He smiles back at her, but his eyes are still sad. Wait, why - 

“But?” He trails his fingers across her cheek. “Not…like that…? I get it, I just…on my birthday I thought you said - ” 

“What? No, like that!” she blurts out quickly and reaches for his hands. “Like that, exactly like that. I’m in love you, I want to be with you too.” 

He blinks hard, several times, and twists to face her. She reaches out to hold the ice for him, his other hand having slipped to her neck. 

“Since our class trip to Indianapolis when you let me be your tour guide, so I win, technically,” she’s grinning through watery eyes and relishes the feeling of his hand on her skin. 

“Wait, _what_?” he moves both palms to her shoulders and then winces when he tries to squeeze the injured one. She crosses her legs and sets the ice back on his eye. “ _Why wouldn’t you go to prom with me then_?!” 

“Because you said instead of getting dates we should go with each other to save ourselves the hassle, and I wanted to go _as your date_! God, Ben. Don’t be so obtuse - ”

“I’m obtuse!” He stares at her incredulously. “Why didn’t you just _say that_? I was an idiot seventeen year old, I thought you’d say yes and then I could…put the moves on you when we went.” 

“I thought you knew what I…” she bites her lip and swallows hard. “I wasn’t prepared. You sprung it on me and that was the first thing I thought to say!” 

“Good lord, Leslie, are you telling me I could’ve been…we could’ve been doing this for…” he gestures between them frantically. 

“How much _time_ have we wasted? How many…every time you went out with another guy it basically ripped me apart. And Dave? Fuck, do you know how relieved I was when he moved? I almost sent him a damn fruit basket because you guys actually seemed…and you’re telling me after all that, all those years of _that_ , I could’ve just…been with you?” 

“Well, excuse me! Do you know how hard it was to be nice to your girlfriends because I thought that was what you wanted?! Why wouldn’t you…with me that night in college then…?!” 

He winces. “I…I would’ve.” 

“WHAT?!” 

“Obviously not when you were that drunk but…later. That weekend. When you were done throwing up. I totally…I wanted to, I just wanted you to want to and not think I was taking advantage - ” 

“Oh my god!” Tears are falling down her cheeks. “Oh my _god_ , are you kidding me? You were the only person I ever wanted to do that - oh my god, Ben!” 

“Oh my god, yourself!” 

“I’m sorry,” she covers her face with her hands. “I’m so sorry, I should’ve said something. I was scared to. I was scared to lose you too.”

 Ben laughs now, tightly, and squishes closer, his big hands cupping her cheeks. “You, Leslie Knope, are not scared of anything. You’re brave; you make me braver. That’s why I…I’m here because you make me brave and also kind of stupid since I punched an ex-linebacker an hour ago, but mostly brave.” 

She literally feels like her insides - her heart - might explode with euphoria. 

“Ben,” she says his name, she doesn’t know why. It’s the strangest it’s ever sounded to her, like the implications of what he’s saying and what he means and who’s in front of her are finally joining pathways in her brain. 

Ben dips his head and she squeaks, pressing a hand to his chest to halt his forward progression. 

“Hold on, hold on.” 

“What? Are you…okay? Can I not…” _kiss you_. Ben wants to kiss her. Really kiss her because he loves her wants to be with her like she wants him to be with her and she’s dizzy and overwhelmed. 

She nods, hands stretching up to cup the back of his neck and hold his forehead to hers. 

“Just, this…I just…” she whispers, breathing ragged and in tandem with his. “Tell me again?” 

She shuts her eyes and exhales. Because Ben’s in love with her and about to kiss her and even though they’ve done it before, she wants to hold onto this moment; memorize the way his head is tilted, the way his hand feels on her leg, his nose bumping against hers, his quickened but calming breaths. This moment is everything. Twelve years in the making. 

She may start crying a little more, also, because he’s touching her like she’s wanted him to for all this time; his hands are sliding everywhere - her arms, her legs, her sides, her neck, her hair - without restraint, without limits. Claiming her. 

His nose brushes against the side of her cheek and he smiles slightly, his voice low and throaty. 

“I am stupidly, _ridiculously_ , beyond reason, in love with you. You are the only person I have ever wanted to be with and the only person I’ll ever want to be with,” His eyes are shut too, forehead against hers. She swallows and threads her fingers through his hair, letting the words wash over her. 

“Okay?” 

“Yeah,” she swallows hard, ignoring the next onslaught of tears. “I’m - _mmph_.”

Ben is kissing her, cupping her face and interrupting her with a long, slow kiss that makes her spine tingle and her limbs shake. His left hand slides into her hair as his tongue pushes passed her lips and his right holds her neck gently. His mouth is warm and soft and the pressure is perfect and he tastes like the green Tic Tacs he always keeps in his glove compartment. A nervous sound that’s more misplaced burst of energy than anything escapes her throat as rain starts to fall harder against her windows. It’s the only reminder that anything exists beyond the couch. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” she exhales when they finally break, lungs straining for oxygen. His face is cold from the ice. 

“Uh yeah,” he grins against her cheek. “Just the most badass moment of my life and you weren’t even there to see it, but…” 

She giggles and their fingers tangle against her leg. He kisses her again and she whimpers. 

“Are you cold?” he rubs her arms and she’s definitely shivering, though she’s not sure it’s because of the temperature. “Your house is freezing, by the way. Did you not fix your furnace?” 

“Not yet.” 

“Leslie,” he thwaps her gently. “It’s winter!” 

“I’ll just put on the fire. It’s nice. It’s ambiance.” 

Ben rolls his eyes as his forehead drops to hers and their lips meet again, a soft, relaxed kiss that she wants to last all night, all day; forever. 

“You’re calling the furnace guy tomorrow.” 

“I’ll put on a fire.” 

“Are we…” his hand stops moving against her. “Are we staying down here?” 

She gulps, because after twelve years she’s totally having sex with Ben. And not just sex. She’ll kiss him and cuddle him and hold him against her and regardless of the mechanics of it, it will be _with Ben_ sex and it will be awesome. 

Except… 

“I texted Ann when I was getting you ice; she’s going to come over and check you out,” she murmurs into his lips. Ben groans and chuckles. 

“You can text Ann eight thousand times a day but you can’t call the furnace guy before Christmas.” 

She swats him and grins. 

“I'm fine,” he promises with another kiss. “Ann doesn’t - ”

“You said you thought your hand was broken!” she pushes against his chest and he just gathers her up under the quilt with him, his arms attempting to squeeze the trembling out of her. At this rate she might never stop.

“Of course I was texting the best nurse in the world.” 

“Of course,” he tips her backwards and kisses her again, slower, deeper, his tongue sliding against hers and flicking the roof of her mouth. Leslie sighs, threads her fingers through his hair and whimpers when his hips slot against hers.

“You should tell Ann not to bother,” he whispers when they break again, eyes clouded with love and arousal and god, she could sob just because he’s looking at her like this. He was never supposed to look at her like that and now that he is she’s not sure she can take it. She might erupt at the sheer joy of it. Ben presses a kiss to her jaw and then down her throat, sending a thrum of pleasure to her core. She moans his name softly and he flicks his tongue in response. 

 “And then…we’ll…” there’s a slight tremor to his words. “We’ll go upstairs, and to…bed.” 

It sounds like a suggestion, but she’s so aroused she almost comes just from that. 

“She’s probably on her way already, and she wouldn’t check her phone while she was driving and you should get it checked out and let me take care of you. You punched a jerk for me.” 

“Uh, I punched _out_ a jerk for you. I KO’d a jerk for you, so remind me to tell Henry that because I gotta brag or something when he brags about being right.” 

“Right about what?” 

“You.” 

She holds his face in her hands, needing his eyes. 

“Uh, hi,” he covers them his with own and kisses both palms. He doesn’t seem cold now; he feels like he’s on fire. “This isn't weird, right?” 

“No,” she answers with a little smile, because she knows what he means, why he’s asking. It feels exactly right but not quite natural, not yet. There’s no Percocet or alcohol to veil this and take away inhibition and…it’s different. Good, amazing, incredible, but different.

His swollen hand darts out and tugs at the front of her shirt. 

“What the hell are you wearing?” he cocks an eyebrow and she squirms onto her elbows and tries not to imagine him pulling it off of her. He’s never undressed her before and he’s going to and that very notion makes her throb with desire. 

“My Li’l Sebastian shirt!” 

“Uh, you need a new Li’l Sebastian shirt because that mini horse is missing half of his head and his name is now Li-seb-tan.” 

She throws her head back and laughs as his hand cups her waist and his fingers dart against bare skin, pressing, smoothing, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. 

“You’re so beautiful.” 

Her breath hitches in her throat. The way he’s looking at her, absorbing her, memorizing her - how had she not noticed him looking at her like that before? Hindsight was 20/20, but he’s staring at her like she’s the only thing he’s ever wanted and that makes her feel awesome and powerful, but also really, really stupid. Has he really always looked at her like that?

“If you have a thing for short blondes why do you always date tall brunettes? Hmmmm?” 

“First of all, they weren’t that tall. They’re tall compared to you, which isn’t exactly tough to achieve,” his palm slides up her up belly and stops just short of her breast. The touch isn’t lustful or even really sexual; it’s new, curious and tender. His jaw is slack and his eyes are heavy lidded and god, Ann needs to hurry it up so she can take him to bed. They’re teetering on the edge of something and once she spills over there won’t be any stopping it.

It’s why he’s not moving either, she suspects. Why his pressure is frustratingly light and his mouth isn’t straying too far from her lips. His fingers are cupped against her abdomen and she reaches for the ice, taking back his hand and resting it against his knuckles. 

“Ben?” 

“Right,” he snaps out of it. “And second of all, I don’t have a thing for tall brunettes or short blondes or whatever…I have a thing for you. You could be a…redhead with elf ears and I’d have a thing for that.” 

“Don’t bring your weird Lord of the Ring fantasies into this. We haven’t even - _mhmmm_.” 

His lips were on hers, his body sealing against her curves and his hand brushing against her hips. Ben rolls them gently so they’re lying sideways and she’s on his arm. 

“You okay?” he kisses along her jaw until she sighs and his mouth is on her ear. His lips brush her neck and this is it, this is heaven, not that day on Lake Michigan.

“You’re still shaking.” 

“Sorry,” he kisses her chin and her forehead and finds her mouth again. 

“That’s it, I’m putting on a fire.” 

“You’re…I’ll do it.” 

“Nooooo,” he covers her with the quilt. “You’re staying there and I'm doing it.” 

She doesn’t. Obviously. She watches him go to her backyard to grab some logs, watches him crouch over to add newspaper and then climbs on his back, face to his neck and quilt around both of them. He doesn’t scold her, just scoots back when the fire roars and turns to face her. The heat fills the room fast and she lets Ben spread them both out by the hearth. 

She moans when his tongue slides, shifting closer and slipping his hand back into her hair. He exhales and their noses brush and his nails bite down through her shirt as her thigh slides between his. 

They don’t move after that - the only sounds in the room soft, breathy moans, the gentle smacking of lips and the crackling of the fire. She can feel him straining in his jeans, she’s aching to grind against him and her head’s spinning. She wants to ask more about what’s happening with Eva, she wants to ask if he needs to go anywhere and she really wants to ask if he’s staying the night, but she can’t bear the thought of his answer being anything but yes. She wants to strip him naked and sink down on top of him - in bed, in front of the fire, she's not picky - and finally feel him inside her. She needs to connect with him like that. 

The doorbell rings and it’s the first time in her life Leslie isn’t happy to see her best friend and the most beautiful nurse in the world. Ben sighs, half on top of her, resting his forehead against hers with a little groan. 

“Ann’s here.” 

He gives her one more kiss before rolling to his feet and smoothing down his hair. Leslie straightens her clothes and hands him the ice, so Ann won’t think she’s a horrible stand-in nurse, before padding off to answer it. 

“What the hell happened?” Ann bursts through the door in blue scrubs, her hair dusted with rainwater. 

“Ben hurt his hand punching Leon and then someone punched him and he thought you might be here so that is the reason he came here.” 

“Ben punched _Leon_?” Ann stares. “Massive, played defensive line in high school Leon? _Your_ Leon? Why? How was he able to walk aft — oh, hey, no offense.” 

Ann throws her bag down and crosses the room purposefully, holding out her palm expectantly. Ben deposits his hand in it. Leslie wants to clarify that even if they hadn’t just been making out and he hadn’t just confessed his feelings it was _her_ Ben who punched _jerk Leon_. Always. Her Ben, always. Without question. 

“I can move everything, I’m fine.”

He knows he can move his hand because he’d been using it to rub her hip like three minutes earlier. It’s an awesome little secret she can’t wait to tell Ann about later. 

“Yeah well, let me be the judge of that.” 

It’s silent for several minutes while Ann performs her examination and Ben grunts intermittently. 

“So, what…I still don’t understand, why did you punch Leon?” 

“Uh…I punched him because - ow, dammit.” Ann murmurs _sorry_ but she doesn’t really sound it. 

“I was out with…” he gulps and his eyes land on Leslie. “Eva.” 

She manages a small, reassuring smile over Ann’s shoulder and he continues. 

“For that thing. And Leon was there at the bar talking…shit about Les and I punched him and then his buddy punched me.” 

“That was risky.” 

“Yeah,” he scrubs his face and sighs. “Yeah well, he ended up on his back and they made me leave. I don’t even know if he’s pressing charges.” 

“Where’s Eva?”

“She took a cab and I drove here,” his eyes dart to Leslie again and the corners of his mouth twitch. “I - ”

“Wait.” Ann freezes. “What’s going on? What happened?”

“What?! Nothing, we told you everything, it’s chill - ”

“We’re totally chill. All is - ”

“Chill. We’re just over here keeping it tight - ”

“Leslie,” Ann spins and stares at her, making Ben yelp as she's still holding his hand. “Spill.” 

“ _Nothing_ Ann, we - it was nothing - ”

“I told her I’m in love with her.” 

 “Ben!” 

“What?” he pries his hand away and holds them both up. “As if you weren’t going to tell Ann.” 

“Not right this immediate second!” Okay, that’s a lie. She just isn’t keen on having this conversation with Ann and Ben in the room together. She wants to gush to Ann over waffles and rehash every little detail.

“Oh…my god,” Ann stares between them. “That’s…wow. That’s one way of doing it.” 

“You _knew_?” 

“We talked at the store yesterday,” she waves her off and turns back to Ben. “Okay, but what’s…you’re still with…” 

“Uh…I mean, it’s pretty much over.” 

“Leslie’s…your…okay, you can’t cheat on her with Leslie.”

Leslie’s cheeks go pink and Ann groans. 

“Seriously, dude? What happened to your stupid plan - ?” 

“ANN! You devious bastard - !” 

“I…it didn’t happen, okay - !” 

“When someone says they’re in love with you you have to make out with them, Ann!” It’s a rule. Ann should know this. 

“Okay,” Ben gestures frantically so they all stop yelling at each other. “Clearly, Leslie is not the…other woman in this scenario.”

“Except she is.” 

Ugh, this was why they didn’t hang out the three of them.

“No, she’s not,” Ben nods definitively. “She’s absolutely not. This isn’t some tawdry scandal where I say I’m leaving her and don’t. You’re not the other woman, you’re…” he swallows and lowers his voice, Ann’s eyes honed on him. “You’re the…only woman. You’re it. I promise.” 

Ben tugs on his hair and turns back to Ann while Leslie melts into a puddle of goop at his words. They’re so simple, but so poetic. Has he always been like this? 

“Am I fine?” he snaps. 

“Just keep ice on everything, but yeah, you’re fine.” 

“Great,” And then he’s in front of Leslie, patting his pocket for his keys and holding her shoulder gently. 

“I’m gonna go…sort things officially and then I’ll be back. So don’t go anywhere. Because you’re not anything close to being the other woman and I’m not a… so I’ll go talk to her and then I’ll be back and we’ll do this…right. Under no circumstances do I not end up back here.” 

His hands cup her face and his brown eyes lock on hers. She starts to grin stupidly again.

“What if she’s pregnant or something?” Ann suggests bluntly. Ben whips around. 

“What!?” Leslie squeaks. “She’s pregnant?!” 

“ _No_ ,” he stares at Ann in disbelief. “Why would you even _say that_?” 

“Well, I’m just…It’s a hypothetical! You’re promising a lot - ”

“There is no circumstance, no matter how dramatic and soap opera-y that does not end with me right back here,” he turns away from Ann looking super annoyed now. 

“I’m gonna go, and I’ll be back as soon as I can.” 

“Kay,” she whispers. 

“Kay,” he smiles gently. “I love you.” 

She’s told him that at least a thousand times, but the words feel foreign on her tongue. It means something else, something more now. 

Or well, something it’s always meant, she supposes, just not something she understood it to always mean… 

Ugh, it’s very confusing. She wants to go back to making out with Ben in front of the fire and figuring out the best location for them to have sex. 

“I love you too,” their foreheads bump and then noses and finally, lips brush and it lasts longer than it should. Ann clears her throat and they break apart, Ben kissing her forehead and fishing out his keys. He half runs out the door, as if lingering for too long would make it too hard to go. 

She faces Ann when he’s gone and she’s locked the door behind him. 

“Do you need me to stay until - ”

“No, no, no, Ann you beautiful lying starfish. You need to go pull things out of people’s butts and resuscitate human hearts and…” 

“So, you…” now Ann’s grinning and Leslie cackles in a way that’s borderline maniacal. Ann whips out her phone.

“Ninety second celebratory dance party before I leave?” 

“YES!” 

*****

After Ann leaves, Leslie’s turns on the TV but isn’t been able to focus on anything with the lingering sensation of Ben’s lip on hers. It feels like a dream; it might be a dream. With every passing minute her mind spirals a little further and she just wants him back, home, with her where she can stop wondering what’s happening with Eva and make sure this is real. 

At some point she dozes off and a gentle knock is what rouses her from sleep. A quick glance at the clock shows it’s closing in on four AM and the fire’s long-since died. Leslie rolls off the couch and pads over to the door, exhaling when she sees Ben in a coat and jeans now, with a bag in his hand. She should give him a key. Actually, it’s weird he doesn’t already have a key. She’ll get him one tomorrow. 

“I am _so sorry_ ,” he backs her up and cups her face and her heart feels like it’s being squeezed inside her chest. But in a good way. A way that makes her feel lighter. 

“She was talking and kinda upset and then wanted her stuff and, Les, I’m so sorry,” his arms are around her and his face is cold and wet and there are chaste kisses and the brushing of fingers and they forget her door’s wide open. It’s snowing, it’s the middle of the night and Pawnee has a racoon problem, and they forget to close the front door. Ann would laugh at them. 

Ben’s the practical one, turning finally and locking it, his hand linked with hers. She caresses his bruised knuckles and brings them to her lips. His eye’s totally purple now and she kisses that too. He sighs. 

“That bad…with Eva?” She kind of winces when she says her name, which is rude. It’s not Eva’s fault.

“Ugh, yeah,” he winds her back into his grasp. “Did I wake you?” 

“It’s okay,” she whispers back. Because it totally is. He can wake her up at four in the morning every night for the rest of their lives if he wants. 

“You look cold,” he looks freezing, actually. And dead on his feet. “Do you want me to start another fire - ”

“Let’s go to bed.” 

Going to bed with Ben means so many things. It means they’re both drunk, tired and cuddly and want to watch a movie; it means she’s sad or he’s frustrated and they need to hash things out; it’s a place to lay your emotions out, a place to be them, a place to be undone. 

It’s also a place for sex and the very notion of that makes her stomach twist with nervousness. She must inhale sharply because Ben leans in, temple nudging hers. 

“Leslie,” his tone’s an unnerving juxtaposition of gentle and demanding, lips brushing against her ear and a hand sliding down her spine. “I need to go to bed with you.” 

His strong hands slide across her back before tangling both sets of fingers together. 

“I love you,” he murmurs, lips against hers. She whispers it back, eyes fluttering shut as he smiles. 

“And I’m exhausted and as much as I’d love to…show you,” he makes a dorky face where his brow contorts and he bite his cheek. “How much I love you? - Ugh, that’s cheesy isn’t it.” 

She giggles and nods, kissing his chin. 

“Arrrrgh,” he groans. “Okay look, I have every intention of getting you naked and doing a lot of dirty things to you you’ll be glad I didn’t get to attempt when I was seventeen, because I’m ninety-eight percent certain I’m a lot better now…” 

Leslie cackles and he kisses her cheek. “Only ninety-eight percent.” 

“I dunno, maybe some girls are into scrawny pale teenagers who think stabbing at your clit will get you off.” 

She cackles again and nudges him playfully. 

“It’s been a long day and I haven't slept right since Indy, and I…would really like to go to bed with you and do the other stuff…later, when we’re more awake.” 

“You look cold,” she winds her arms around his neck and stands on tip-toe. He’s just tall enough she has to stretch, but not so tall he tries to pick her up every time. She _hates_ when they pick her up every time. 

“Take a shower with me,” it comes out husky and throaty and she’s not sure who this woman is she’s transformed into in all of six seconds. She never showers with guys anymore. Couple showers are jinxed since she was broken up with in one…but Ben’s not a guy. Ben’s Ben and he needs to take up as much of her space as he can. 

He studies her carefully because he knows how it makes her feel, and she knows he’s searching for tension, for uncertainty, but she feels none. She feels him. His arms solid, his lips warm and pliant, his hair soft and his skin taut and smelling of soap, rainwater and Ben. 

“Yeah?” 

He’s going to see her naked before they even…

Oh screw it. It would be awesome. When had they ever done things in the right order? 

*****

His touch is gentle, reverent, fingers ghosting over skin as the shower steams up the bathroom and every inch of her gets a turn under his heady gaze. Her pants go first, then her t-shirt and her bra and his fingers slide across her collarbone, over her shoulders and down her arms. Her stomach flutters and she meets his eyes. They’re darker than ever and damp and she kisses him hard. 

“My turn,” she tugs on his shirt but he squirms away. 

“Nope, my turn still,” his mumbles against her skin and his hands push under her panties. He spares a second to take her in, all of her, and then his lips are everywhere. Her neck, the tops of her breasts, her stomach, her hips, it’s hurried and rough and the only part of it that feels the same as before is his thumbs gently stroking the backs of her thighs. 

“I thought you were tired,” she teases as he kisses her belly and her fingers twist through his hair. She moans.

“Try telling my penis that.” 

Leslie snickers and he chuffs against her, letting her tug him up and his eyes going wide as she makes fast - lightning fast - work of his clothes. He’s lean and hard and somehow doesn’t seem slight like he does in plaid button downs and khaki pants. Her hands run over him and she tilts her head to check out the goods below the waist (they seem pretty excellent) while he backs her toward her shower and lifts her into it. 

He kisses her everywhere, under a stream of hot water and as she lathers him up in her body wash. Nowhere really intimate, nowhere his hand hasn’t at least brushed against before, but it’s his lips now and Leslie feels like she’s inhaling smoke, not steam. If he decided to pin her against a wall and take her like that with no warning and no condom she’d totally let him… But he does look tired and there’s a vein of uncertainty woven through his gaze. He wants her, but he wants to do right by her too. He wants to make up for time they should’ve had. He wants it to be good for her and he can’t guarantee that right now, so he won’t even attempt it. 

It’s sweet. A little annoying, but adorably sweet. 

“Fuck, I can’t believe we could’ve been doing this years ago,” he whispers into her, the words causing every muscle to tighten and flex. 

“I should’ve told you,” he sounds a choked up as he drops to his knees again and kisses her hip. She swallows a groan. “All those nights in my bed, your dorm room; god, I should’ve just told you or kissed you or something.” 

“Hey, it’s okay.” God she wants to lick him. All of him, but mostly his penis. Maybe he’ll let her do that. 

“Every goddamn time I saw you with…killed me. You have no idea.” 

She blinks incredulously as his words sink in. “Uh, I have some idea.” 

Ben stands slowly, lips sliding their way across her front and holding her face in his hands when he finally straightens. 

“You should’ve said something too,” he whispers, voice tinged with amusement. She shoves him playfully. 

“Pot, meet kettle.” 

“You’re the brave one.” 

“I’m a coward when it comes to you. I was afraid it would cost me you.” 

“I kind of hate that, you know.” 

“I thought not having all of you was better than not having you at all.” 

Ben’s lips twitch and he pecks the tip of her nose. “That’s good. You should put that in your memoirs.” 

She giggles and cards her fingers through his hair. “Maybe I won’t mention we were in the shower when I came up with it.” 

“Yeah, don’t do that,” he’s still grinning when his tone changes. “Eva saw us at Ron’s cabin by the fire. She said that’s when she knew you were going to be trouble.” 

Leslie crinkles her nose, because she likes to think she tried really hard to be nice to Eva and it wasn’t like she _intended_ to break them up or something. 

She’s still pondering this when she wraps her hand around the base of his cock, delighting in his gasp and the weight of him in her fingers. 

She nuzzles her lips across his and then down his chest as her wrist starts to twist slowly. He’s already almost fully hard just from the shower, and his breathing’s ragged after a few seconds. 

“Leslie,” he whispers as she squirms down his stomach. His fingers tug on her hair and she glances up. His eyes - eye (that thought almost makes her snicker) - are glassy and his lips are raw from all their kissing. 

“I want to.’ 

“Oh god,” he palms his face, head dropping back against the wall. “I thought we were gonna wait until…” 

His legs are shaking. It’s pretty cute and endearing. 

“We are,” she kisses his hip. “But you won’t sleep like this and I really want to, okay?” 

He can’t speak, which makes Leslie feel decidedly awesome. He bends down, gives her a sloppy kiss and keeps his fingers in her hair when she drops to her knees with a little grin. 

It should feel weird, and maybe it does. A little weird, because even though she’s thought about licking, kissing and sucking Ben’s dick a…well, quite a few times, actually, doing it is different. Better. Every sense is heightened, he's heavy on her tongue, his groans are stilted as she pumps her hand and flicks over his tip and when she takes him deeper, cupping his balls he starts to babble. 

She needs to do this - connect with him in a new way - before they sleep tonight. Her name rolls in waves off his lips, his chest heaves, his fingers clutch and when he comes, hot and salty on her tongue, she rides it out and smiles around him. 

“Holy shit,” he gasps. She’s fairly certain if the wall wasn’t there he’d have long slumped to the ground. He drags her up and devours her with a kiss that makes her toes curl. They both sigh apart after a few seconds, his caresses turning lazy as he yawns into her hair. A minute later they’re mostly just cuddling. She trails a finger up his spine and he shivers in response. His muscles are slack and she knows he’s fading fast. 

“I’ll make it up to you,” he whispers. 

Leslie knows that. He doesn’t even need to say it. She just grins into his chest and holds him tighter. His whole body seems to sigh into whatever part of her he’s touching, his hard lines sealing against her warm curves, his hot breath licking the side of her ear. He yawns again and she twists them so he gets more of the hot water before finally shutting it off. They dry off with soft towels and sleepy smiles and he slumps into her bed, naked, without any hesitation. She should be tentative, but tonight she feels brave. Tonight she could win any election, build any park, solve any problem a citizen might have (even the most ridiculous ones). She could even get on her knees and give her best friend/love of her life a blow job in the shower. Tonight she's brave, beyond brave, tonight she's invincible. 

Tonight she can sleep naked with a man - with _Ben_ \- without her own post-orgasm intimacy to buffer anything and have it be different, but not weird. 

Leslie turns off her light, drops her towel and slides between the cool sheets with him. His body’s delightfully warm and the scent of her soap lingers on his skin. He’s rumpled and adorable and she wants to take a picture so she’ll have evidence when she awakens that this definitely happened. 

Ben pulls her in, nose-to-nose, sharing his pillow as he whispers another declaration of love and seals it with a kiss. She ends up on his chest, his hand brushing her bare ass and his mouth against her hair. His foot rubs hers and another wave of emotion fills her. She will not start crying again. 

“Ben,” she whispers and he murmurs back drowsily, fingers pressing into her neck. 

“What’s up, buttercup?” his slack jaw barely finds the words. 

“Do you wanna be the future first First Gentleman of the United States?” 

“Yup,” the vibration rolls through her. “Sounds perfect.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you people and am so happy you enjoyed the "resolution". This part is super fluffy, the format's kind of different, and yeah...it's kind of a complete detour from everything so far. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it and the build up was worth it. Thanks so much for reading!

She hasn’t slept more than a few minutes, but Leslie is wide awake. Truthfully, she doesn’t want to sleep. She doesn’t want to risk closing her eyes and waking up and him not being there. It's too surreal, too perfect, too much like an amazingly cliched romantic comedy for her to accept as reality. Her reality. The reality where Ben’s hand is on her thigh, holding her leg over his hip and his naked body is flush against hers. His face is in her neck and he snuffles and breathes steadily and she physically aches with...love. 

She kisses him at six-thirty, just across his neck and his chest with no intention of waking him, really. Ben rumbles and his fingers dig into her leg. She presses her lips to his black eye, which is only slightly puffy thanks to her excellent ice-holding skills. 

“How bad?” he grunts and she presses to the spot again through a smile. 

“Could be worse.” 

“You should see the other guy.” 

His eyes are still closed, but she’s rewarded with a sleepy grin. 

“Time’s it?” he mumbles into her shoulder. Leslie tells him and giggles when he groans. 

“Too early. Saturday. Sleep more.” 

“Do you want me to make us breakfast?’ 

Ben flips them so his body is pinning hers to the mattress, his hand sliding over her breast to cup her cheek and find her lips without ever peeling back his lids.

“Breakfast later. Sleep now.” 

She grins at the ceiling and rubs the base of his skull. 

“Ben?" 

He grunts in response, sounding only a little bit irritated. 

“I have to go to the store.” 

“ _Now_?” He finally lifts his head and his hair’s sticking out at every possible angle, his eyes are bleary and god, she loves him so much. “For food? Nothing’s open.” 

“No, for,” her throat’s tight as she rubs his angular shoulders. “For…prophylactic stuff.” 

“Huh?” Ugh, he’s so adorable and sleepy and dumb right now. 

“Condoms, Benjamin.” 

“ _Oh_ ,” the bleariness fades instantly. He pushes onto his hands and claws at his cheek. “You don’t…have any? The Pawnee Goddesses would be unimpressed with your lack of preparedness, Ms. Knope - ”

“Funny,” she grabs at whatever skin she can reach and then his lips are on hers and they’re kissing and totally distracted from their conversation. It’s the literal best morning of her entire life. 

“Hi.” 

“Hi,” he thumbs her hip. “There are no condoms in this house?” 

“No, I…I never…I meant to buy more, but it’s not like I was anticipating…I mean I have an emergency Sweetums one in my bag, _obviously_ , but apparently those are kind of tight on most…” her eyes dart obviously to his penis and his cheeks colour because two hours ago she was totally up close and personal with his awesome penis. 

“I hear, anyway. So I can just run out to the drug store and get whatever you like…” 

“No, no no. No,” he babbles as a frown sets on his features and he nips and licks all over her chest and shoulders. His mouth is awesome too. Sex, making out, cuddling: that’s the official slogan for today. 

“You stay there. Don’t…I’ll go and you will stay here and not move and not put clothes on and then I’ll be back and we’ll…” 

“Have sex,” she inhales to quell the nerves in her stomach and Ben lifts up with a breathless _good lord_ , lips seeking hers hard and slow, and tongues tangling. 

And then he’s rolling off the bed so fast Leslie yelps, tugging on his boxers and almost tripping as he pulls on his pants. She giggles at how silly he looks, and cackles when he tries to put his arms through her Li’l Sebastian t-shirt before realizing it isn’t his. 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to - ”

“Stay there,” he pecks her forehead. “Stay exactly there. I’ll be right back.” 

Leslie waits until the front door slams to cover her face and cackle with nervous excitement. 

After a few minutes she gets herself back in the shower and performs some…maintenance, trembling slightly as she shaves everything and and almost nicks herself four times. Dripping and wet in front of her full length mirror, Leslie breathes deeply and considers what’s to come. Ben’s at the store getting condoms for them to have sex with, but he’s already seen her naked so this part will just be awesome…no self-consciousness, just awesomeness. 

And a little overwhelming-ness, since she’s literally been waiting to do this since she wanted to have sex. Ben's lips were the first lips she really felt a _need_ to kiss and his hands were the first ones she fantasized all over her, and the first orgasm she'd ever given herself had been from imagining him inside her. It was significant, and a little part of her wondered worried she'd built it up way too much in her head and first times were never that great and she should prepare for that inevitability... 

She's overthinking it. Just being with Ben like this will be great and they can refine the mechanics after. And maybe break out her roleplay box... 

Leslie gets back in the bed, happy to be off her shaky legs, pulls the sheet up over her breasts and waits. The bubble of anxiety remains, but it's mingled with excitement, adrenaline and desire. It will be fine, great. It will be great. 

His skin is chilled when he returns with a Walgreens bag. He dumps the box on her nightstand, cupping her face in his hands and kissing her for all he’s worth. The corners of her mouth tug up. 

“Love you,” he murmurs, grinning as she tries to pull his clothes off immediately. He’s down to his boxers when he climbs back in the bed and she opens the condom box while his lips slide over her shoulders. 

“Whoooa,” his tone is teasing, the low hum of his voice tickling her skin. “Can I get a little foreplay first?” 

“I’m just getting it ready.” 

“You’re disrupting my process,” he tosses the box back on the nightstand and drags her under him with a deep kiss that reaches her core. His palms slide over her waist and hips tenderly, as if he's committing the new curves and skin he's been granted access of to memory. Leslie giggles nervously up at him. 

“You have a process.”

“Well, not really,” he nuzzles her neck. “You’re not a spreadsheet.” 

“I’m glad you know that.” 

“I’ve just thought about this.” 

She grins into his hair as he kisses her breast. “What’d you think about?” 

“You. Naked,” his tongue flicks her nipple without warning, drawing a soft gasp. “A lot.” 

Her fingers twist through his messy hair, and after a few tentative pecks the pressure and suction increases while his thumb rolls against her other nipple. When he switches breasts his name falls from her lips in a way that's foreign, and when his fingers slip between her thighs she yanks, wanting his mouth back. Ben gives his head a little shake. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he flashes his teeth on her abdomen, easing her legs so he can fill the space between them. The butterflies return and her center starts to throb. 

He doesn't spend much time teasing and his long fingers feel better than she imagined on her thighs and between her legs. Leslie says as much as they part her folds, touching everything lightly before dipping inside her. His nose bumps her hip and his groan rolls through her, sending another flood of need to the point of contact. He slips deeper, rubbing lightly, thumb brushing her clit and pumping in an easy rhythm that’s almost too slow to accomplish anything and makes her ache for more. Torture. He’s torturing her, his palm nudging her clit just slightly off centre, and his fingers twisting and curling every so often to make her pant harder and squirm. When Ben whispers _you’re so wet_ into her hip and she just about peaks from the sexiness of it all. 

“Can I, uh?” he nibbles down her skin, slowing his hand even more. She forces herself onto her elbows to see what he’s getting at and words get lost in her throat. 

Go down on her. Ben wants to go down on her. His cheeks are flushed, his nose is smushed into her and his lips are red and swollen. It’s insane. Awesomely, ridiculously insane. 

“Oh. N-no, it’s okay, you don’t…” it isn’t that she doesn’t want him to. She does. She really, really does, but she wants his mouth on hers right now. She wants him close, touching her in as many places as possible, sealing against her, his lips never far out of reach and his eyes to focus on when he takes her over the edge for the first time. This is a big deal and she wants him right there with her. 

“Let me,” he nibbles whatever's closest, melts her into the sheets with a soft look, and inches further down. He kisses her drenched curls chastely. “Please?”

_Please_? Was he actually trying to kill her?

“Later, kiss me,” she squeaks, bucking into his hand. Ben sighs reluctantly but gives her a stupid sexy smirk that makes her shiver as he crawls up her body, his open mouth never breaking contact. 

Leslie sighs back when he’s where she wants him, fingers increasing their speed as he settles, tongue against hers swallowing her moans. Her legs start to tremble and as she builds her teeth clamp into his shoulder with a squeak. Wave after wave roll through her when she breaks, forehead against his. Ben kisses her cheekbone as she slumps into the pillow. 

“Mhmm,” she salves her tongue over her teeth marks. “Sorry.” 

Ben removes his fingers gently and his hand is slick with her when it comes to rest on her hip. He presses his mouth to her sternum. 

“I’m doing that later.” 

“Uh huh,” she suckles on his lower lip and nudges him onto his back. He looks so silly with his black eye, she giggles. 

“Your eye,” she explains, and wiggles his boxers off his hips. His cock springs free, already hard. She kisses his chest and swings a leg onto either side of him, tongue darting out as she descends. His hands remain on her hips and his eyes roll back in his head when her hand wraps around him. 

“Les,” he murmurs, with no real intent. She grips with gentle pressure, twisting her wrist until he sighs. She squirms back on his thighs and dips her head, kissing his tip and flicking her tongue. 

“Les,” he repeats, hand in her hair. “Ohhhh god.” 

She giggles, parting her lips and taking him in her mouth. It’s still a touch strange, but mostly awesome, so she tries not to overthink it. They’re more awake and she’s more in tune with him this time; tastes him, savors the way his limbs quiver from trying not to buck into her, catalogues the strangled grunts and growls when she changes pressure, speed, or the angle of her head. 

He sounds strained when he begs her to stop. Leslie grins and releases him with a pop, lifting herself up and sitting on his belly as she reaches for the condom. She’s rolling it down him when he mutters “This is so weird” and then his face goes white. 

And if she’s honest, her heart rate increases a little. 

“Bad weird?” It’s weird, and she’d been thinking the same thing, but she can’t help the insecurity that rises at his words. She’s post-orgasm and naked and feeling kind of ripped open. The butterflies are raging inside now. 

“God no, no no no, good, awesome, insanely ridiculously amazing weird,” he palms her cheeks. “I just keep waiting for you to vanish or me to wake up or something.” 

His hand snakes down and he flicks hair off her neck, pulling her in for a soft kiss. She doesn’t try to hide her exhale of relief. Honesty is important, especially now. 

“Good?”

“Uh huh,” it’s understandable why he doesn’t believe her, her whole body is seizing under his hands. She hasn’t been this nervous for sex in forever, maybe since her first time. Ben’s palm lands on her thigh and he rolls them gently, one arm resting beside her head while the other guides her leg over his hip. He steals her breath with another kiss and sinks into her in one swift thrust. 

The trembling stops instantly and her eyes water, for no reason, except Ben’s inside her and she’s wanted this for as long as she could remember wanting sex. And he just slid in without any fumbling or teasing, as if he's known all along exactly how to tilt her hips to fill her and what angle her leg needs to be at for comfort; as if they’ve done this a thousand times. He feels great, amazing, perfect, like he’s meant to be there and she’s so, so deliriously happy she can’t contain the moisture spilling out onto her cheeks. Sex usually feels pretty good, but never has this, just existing like this with another person, made her feel so grounded; so whole. 

“Hey, hey, are you okay?” he dips, breathing strangled against her lips, and kisses her damp cheeks. She shuts her eyes and just feels him, everywhere, reaching every part of her, savors the way he holds her in his arms and her body grips him in response. His eyes are glassy too and that makes her want to cry harder. 

“Yeah, yeah yeah, that’s good,” _Good_ is such an inadequate description, but her brain is swilling with emotions. She arches into him and clutches his back. “I’m good. I’m so good.” 

“Good, good,” he rocks slightly and she moans into his mouth, tightening her legs and lifting into him. Ben takes the hint and starts to rock faster, little, shallow strokes that send delicious shivers down her spine as he starts to deepen them. Her nails slide down his back as his hips move faster and he captures her lips again with a breathless grin, pulling out almost completely and pushing back in until he hits bottom. They both moan. 

Ben’s chatty. Babbly. It’s adorable. He pants her name, murmurs nonsense into her neck, groans, moans and appears to occasionally reminds himself to lift his head and kiss her. It seems like he’s a bit of a mess, honestly, but he’s really fucking amazing at…fucking. 

Like, really, really, ridiculously good, head spinning, toe-curling, star-seeing good and she would totally think that even if she wasn’t crazy in love with him. He’s careful, methodical, he can tell quickly when he’s not hitting things right and shifts, adjusts her leg, lifts her into him and mumbles something that makes her stomach drop. He studies, learns, watches, devors her until everything’s so, so goddamn right their lips are sloppy and won’t close down and it’s all she can do to keep clinging to him and whimper for more. She feels her orgasm building, a slow and steady burn in the depths of her centre that starts as embers and then spreads like wildfire. Everything starts to tingle at once and then there’s waves of heat and pressure until she finally explodes. 

He’s done a few snaps of his hips later with a guttural groan of her name, slowing gradually before settling against her chest. 

“Don’t move,” she pleads, strangled. Guys always move, are always afraid of crushing her because she’s physically small, but she needs Ben to stay. She needs to memorize this sensation of his weight on top of her and the feel of his sweaty skin under her hands for any nights she’ll have to spend without him. 

Not a lot, hopefully. 

“Okay?” he checks again, pressing their lips together lightly and nuzzling her neck as he brushes tear streaks off her face. They don’t freak him out; he just gives her his own watery smile and bumps their mouths together again, twining a curl around his finger. She’s warm, her body’s humming deliciously and she wants to snuggle under her duvet and slip into oblivion with Ben still on top of her. 

This, more than anything, reminds her it’s real. Her nerves buzzing, Ben’s breath against her neck, the sleepiness overtaking her - her dreams never have this part in them. 

“Love you,” he murmurs. “I’ll be right back, okay?” 

He kisses her nose, her forehead and finally her lips, but it’s more of a bumping of teeth through ebullient smiles. When he slips out she whimpers, shivering at the cool air on her damp skin and immediately missing him. She’s too empty and alone without him right now. 

Ben’s back soon, thankfully, in boxers and drawing the blinds a little tighter against the sun rising in the sky. He pulls her onto his chest and she goes willingly to his warmth, palm cupping her head for another sleepy kiss. 

Her last thought as she drifts off is she should call Ann soon to inform her how awesome Ben is at sex stuff, and also still stupidly sweet and perfect and god, she loves him so much. 

She also hopes Ann and Chris understand if Ben and Eva can’t make dinner tonight. 

*****

“I should get us something to eat.” 

It's early afternoon and they're still in bed. She’s spooning him because she wants to, and also because he finally just finished going down on her (a lot, he practically set up camp and it was really excellent) and now she’s satiated and cuddly and wants to hold him. Her arm’s tucked under his and her leg is hiked over his hip and he’s breathing softly, his stomach rumbling every so often. 

Okay, they haven’t eaten…all day. Except gummy worms she had stashed in her bedside table -after they woke up around eleven and had sex again - which he insisted didn't count as food. But if gummy worms didn’t count then neither had…what he had just done, despite what Ben had rumbled low in her ear when she asked if he was hungry half an hour ago. 

Fuck, that had been super dirty and awesome.

“Real food, Les,” he murmurs, as if he can hear her thoughts. 

“Sugar’s a food.” 

“It’s really not,” he smacks his lips against her knuckles and exhales. “I should go get some more clothes anyway.” 

She pouts and he rubs her hand. 

“Don’t make a face.” 

How did he even _know_?

“Just stay here and we’ll be naked and eat pizza.” 

“That sounds awesome, but at some point I will need to go home.” 

“Just live here.” 

She feels his belly laugh against her hand and flashes her nails. “I’d still need to get my stuff.” 

Leslie sighs, exasperated, and he turns to kiss her face. There aren’t words for how happy she is right now. Ben just turning around and kissing her like it’s nothing. Sure, he’s kissed her chastely many times, but this is different. This time, she can dive in for more. 

And she does, rolling until she’s sitting on top of him and her mouth is back on his neck.

“Les,” he whispers, sounding amused. “I’m not sure I have that in me again yet…” 

She giggles and rubs his hip, reassuringly. She just wants to kiss him, _not everything is about sex, Benjamin_. He sighs while she nibbles. 

“Goddammit,” he rubs his face and drapes an arm around her. “We wasted so much time, I feel kind of sick about it.” 

Now, Leslie frowns and pulls back to kiss his shoulder. 

“Regrets are pointless,” she declares firmly. Maybe it'll be the title of her memoirs. “And who knows, maybe if we’d gotten together in high school or college, one of us would’ve done something stupid and we’d have broken up and then we might not even be friends now.” 

His fingers link with hers and their clasped hands rest against his stomach. 

“The important thing is we’re here now and we know what we want and that’s each other.” 

Ben lifts her knuckles to his lips and kisses them. 

“You’re so smart.” 

 “I know.” 

He passes out again a few minutes later with her back to being wrapped around him. 

******

“Hi yeah, I’m uh…I’m trying to get someone out to fix a furnace like…as soon as possible.” 

Leslie twists and sees Ben in boxers and a shirt standing just outside her door. 

“No, it’s my…it’s for my…” 

Leslie holds her breath because he’s going to call her his - what? Girlfriend? Somehow, that didn’t sound right. Not significant enough or something. 

“Leslie Knope? Yeah,” he rubs the back of his neck, but she’s so drowsy she can’t even get up to go smooch him while he adorably calls a furnace guy for her. She doesn’t even remember falling asleep. 

“Okay, yeah - yes, I’m aware of that - okay, it’s clearly not a health code violation, if anything it’s a fire hazard.” 

_Rude_ , her house is not a fire hazard. If it is they shouldn’t have had a fire last night. 

“It’ll… I will make sure it’s accessible, alright? It's just a bunch of boxes. We’ll move stuff around." 

“Uhhh, like, tomorrow?” he waits. “Fine, fine, okay, Monday. Someone will be around Monday to let you in. What time…”

Leslie hugs her pillow and squirms into the spot he’d been occupying. 

“Yeah, fine. That’s fine. Yes, it will be taken care of. I’m Ben Wyatt.” 

It’s totally the type of thing he would’ve done before everything happened, but it’s even better now that he’s doing it after they’d spent the last twelve hours cuddling naked. 

“Your furnace is getting fixed on Monday,” he calls as he walks back into the bedroom and tosses his phone on the dresser before climbing into bed. She moves back to make room for him. 

“I’m not even cold right now.” 

Ben snorts and curls into her. 

“That’s because we’ve been under blankets together all day.” 

“I fail to see the problem.” 

He snorts and she roll into him. 

“I really should get some clothes though.” 

“Tomorrow, you don’t need clothes tonight, I promise. Plus,” she squirms up, her stomach clenching when he takes her face in his hands. He’s done this multiple times since last night, as if needs a reminder this is real and he won’t get one until he finds her eyes or something.

 “If you go over there now Chris is probably going to ask you what time Eva’s coming over for dinner or something and does she like kale, and then when you explain the situation he’s going to want to talk about it for four hours.” 

“Ugh,” Ben flops back and holds her hips. “You’re right. Don’t tell Henry this, but sometimes I really miss living with him.” 

She giggles and kisses his chest. “So we’ll just go tomorrow and get you lots of clothes and then you’ll never have to go back.” 

“Just like that, I’m moving in with you?”

 She grins and kisses him because yes, he should totally move in with her. She’s not going to live in a world where she regrets what happened or didn’t happen between them sooner, but she’s not wasting time anymore either. 

“If you want.” Maybe she’s pushing too much, assuming he’s ready to commit to spending every single night for the foreseeable future with her…

Ben tugs her down and wraps her up. “I want,” he kisses her temple. “We'll figure it out, but tonight, I support the naked pizza eating.” 

She just grins into his chest. 

*****

She’s kind of….too sore for more sex. Ben feels bad, but he totally shouldn’t because everything has been awesome, she just needs a little timeout from boning. So instead, they’re sitting on her bed - her in a bathrobe and him in a pair of sweatpants he’d left at her place months ago - crossed legged and facing each other with a Scrabble board between them. 

“Hey,” he reaches for her hand between turns. “Random question. Did we make out on the beach at that house on Lake Michigan when I had kidney stones.” 

“You remembered that!?” 

“I wasn’t sure if it was a dream or not,” his eyes bulge. "Oh god, I’m so sorry.” 

“For what?” 

“Whatever I did or said high on Percocet while I was trying to make out with you.” 

“You wanted to Star Wars roleplay, kissed me a lot - sloppy, but it was sweet - and asked me to marry you.”

“Huh,” his jaw relaxes and he tilts his head curiously. “What’d you say?” 

She grins coyly but her heart flutters. He kisses her knuckles. 

“Fine, don’t tell me. I’ll just ask you again.” 

“Okay.” 

His blinks, leans over and bumps their lips together. 

“I love you,” she murmurs. 

His voice drops an octave and he cocks an eyebrow sexily. 

“I know.” 

Leslie snickers, calling him a dork just before he tackles her to the mattress, tickling relentlessly. She ends up kicking the Scrabble board away and their tile bag ends up on the floor. He chuckles, the vibrations shaking her lips as his fingers dig into her sides. 

“You’re just mad you were losing.” 

“Uhhhh, no way, Wyatt. I was about to cream you.” 

“Really?” He glances over. “Let’s check the score sheet - ”

She snatches it and stretches it out of his reach. “I was teeing you up, getting ready to destroy you.” 

“Suuuuure you were,” he rubs her hip soothingly, and his gaze floods with something warm she can't place. “Stop smiling, Knope. You’re distracting me from crushing you at Scrabble.”

“You first.” 

He snorts and moves his mouth to her neck, and then they’re just sighing and squeezing the life out of each other because it’s all still so surreal and even hugging him feels different now. Everything feels different when the boundaries are gone.

“Kay,” he pulls back. “Are we playing or what?” 

“Yup,” she sits up and crosses her legs. “Prepare for total domination, Wyatt.” 

He smacks her butt as they set up the board again. 

***** 

“Still weird?” she asks quietly. They’re lying on her pillow and she’s toying with his fingers. Ben’s half asleep, the bottle of wine they’d shared obviously helping to lull him. Ann texted her to make sure everything was okay, but otherwise they haven’t heard from anyone all day. They’re in their own little bubble and Leslie never wants to leave. 

“A little,” he whispers. “But you’re a little weird, so…” 

She giggles and kisses the tip of his nose. He exhales, eyelids fluttering completely shut. 

“You know we get to wake up and make out more tomorrow if you want.” 

“I want.” 

“And the next day.” 

“Yup,” he yawns. “Everyday, so go to sleep.”

His arm snakes around her waist. 

 “Do you know me at all? I won’t sleep for like…hours.” 

He smirks cutely and she presses her lips the corner of his mouth. 

“Kay,” he yawns. “Just lie here until I fall asleep, please.” 

He’s out seconds later, puffing against her neck, his arm snugly around her. Leslie contemplates getting out of bed and starting a scrapbook of their relationship…she’s already taken at least a dozen pictures today (Ben only knows about three of them) and she’s got the layout worked out in her head, and color options …

But her furnace is broken, Ben’s warm and she kind of just…doesn’t want to move. There’d be time for that later - time to scrapbook, time to get keys made, time to get the furnace fixed and clear space for him in her home - tonight, not moving sounds pretty great. 

Tonight she’s going to lie in bed with Ben, knowing he’ll be there to kiss when she wakes up, knowing that his arm around her means more than friendship and knowing he's hers as much as she's his…

Tonight she’s going to revel in how insanely perfect her life is and how insanely perfect it’s been for the last twelve years with him in it, whether they were together together or not. Tonight she’s going to cry some more happy tears and relive all those moments she thought she was building up in her head and realize he was feeling the same things… 

And she won’t let that fill her with regret, instead she’ll take comfort in it, knowing her instincts were spot on and for a really long time they’ve been feeling and wanting the same things - that they’ve been on the same page in every possible way for ages, and that they probably always will be.

And that’s good, great, awesome and incredible and overwhelming and happy-tear-inducing…

That’s perfection. 

And it’s totally going in her memoirs.


End file.
